Storm Chasing And Relationships

[Gayla Drummond]

Originally posted by Melissa Moon
I would say that I agree with Jay about the cheating issue. Obviously, my ex boyfriend was the jealous type who did not want me hanging out with other guys. In most cases of my past, no one has had any issues with me having guy friends and hanging out with them, because they know me better than that. *snip*
Anyway, I disagree that spending time with someone of the opposite sex means that you will develop feelings for them. I've spent plenty of time with guys whom I am friends with, and for most of them, the thought has never crossed my mind.

I have to ask...are you more comfortable around men than you are around other women? I don't mean that in some obscurely sexist way, either. :lol:

I grew up with four brothers, I am still somewhat of a tomboy, and I normally have more friends that are male than I do female. I get told I do not think like 'a woman', or that I'm not 'like other women' a lot. I think I've freaked David out more than once by not reacting like a woman in certain situations. :lol: We've settled on it being that I'm not a girly-girl.

I find that I am more comfortable around men, but like you said, that doesn't mean that I am harboring secret crushes on them. I just tend to get along with them better.

There's so much about being female that I just find...I don't know...dumb? useless? irrelevant? :lol:

 

[Melissa Moon]

Hey Gayla,

I would say about equal...my best friend is a female, but I do have a lot of friends who are guys. I think, though, that having more guy friends has to do with my lifestyle (meteorology is a male-dominated field and so is chasing) rather than comfort levels. Back in high school, where there is an equal guy-girl ratio, I had more female friends. Then again, that could be attributed to the fact that my parents had issues with guys being around too much. I would say that my comfort levels around guys and girls is about equal. .

 

[Gayla Drummond]

Originally posted by Melissa Moon
I think, though, that having more guy friends has to do with my lifestyle (meteorology is a male-dominated field and so is chasing) rather than comfort levels. Back in high school, where there is an equal guy-girl ratio, I had more female friends. Then again, that could be attributed to the fact that my parents had issues with guys being around too much. I would say that my comfort levels around guys and girls is about equal. .

:lol: I drove my parents nuts in high school. I had one female friend at a time, and at least 3 best guy friends at any given time. I can only imagine what my parents thought might be going on...guess I could ask my mom now, huh?

I envy you that, having an equal comfort level with both sexes. I just have never developed that. :cry:

 

[Joey Ketcham]

I'm not in a relationship, never been too serious with anyone so I've never had to fight with a woman to go chasing.

 

[Melissa Moon]

haha...my parents went as far as making me take birth control, because if they saw me within a few feet of any guy, I automatically liked him and he was automatically going to want to do the dirty with me. What's funny is never once did I even have a need for birth control, while the rest of the world was getting pregnant. I guess that's what I get for having a mother who is a teacher in the same school district who knows everything about everything .

 

[Gayla Drummond]

Originally posted by Melissa Moon
haha...my parents went as far as making me take birth control, because if they saw me within a few feet of any guy, I automatically liked him and he was automatically going to want to do the dirty with me. What's funny is never once did I even have a need for birth control, while the rest of the world was getting pregnant. I guess that's what I get for having a mother who is a teacher in the same school district who knows everything about everything .

That's hilarious, in a weird way, :lol:
But, you know, at least your parents actually cared enough to take that step....they didn't lock you in your room until you were 32, like my dad threatened to do to me one time!!

 

[Shane Adams]

Originally posted by Brian Brubaker

This is why, in my opinion, it isn't wise for someone who is in a relationship to work (or play) closely with a member of the opposite sex. You see, I don't believe trust is the issue, but understanding our human falliability is. Would I trust my wife in such situations? Yes. Would she trust me? I hope so. But we understand that when you've given yourself completely to your spouse (in our case), that it isn't worth it to put ourselves in situations where our \"humanness\" could risk our relationship.

If two people end up together because they chased together, there was something wrong with their prior relationships before the "affair." If there wasn't any relationship for either going in, then I'd chock it up to boredom; sex is a lot better way to pass the down time then throwing rocks at lizards :wink:

Any solid, healthy relationship can withstand temptation. Why do you think there's so much infidelity in the world? Because about 90% of all marriages are a mistake, made by hasty people who think with their emotions instead of their brains.

Relationships founded on chasing will live and die with chasing; relationships are about people, not activities.

 

[Bridget Beddow]

male friends

Gayla, I guess that must be where the female "chasers" have something in common, male friends. I think over the last few years I've developed many more relationships with women than I have men to make up for the time growing up that I mostly associated with men due to the fact that they seemed more understanding to how you feel as opposed to alot of women who act jealous and spiteful in the way they talk to you. In fact, my tendency for getting advice has always been to go to an older male father figure because their advice always seemed so practical. And it didn't help me growing up while I was attending the same school that my mother taught at - yuck - talk about embarrasing moments

 

[Brian Brubaker]

Like I said, not everyone would be susceptible to "straying". However, I believe it's naive to think that as long as there's nothing missing in a relationship then there's no danger of emotional or physical infidelity. Everyone's emotional make-up, thought processes, commitment levels, etc. are different, so you can't put everyone in the same box.

My point is that because we are human, and because we are falliable, is it really worth it to potentially put a relationship at risk?

In our minds, at least, it may be possible to love more than one person the way we love a spouse. And while there doesn't appear to be anything missing from a relationship, if you experience something (or someone) new, then you can suddenly think to yourself "look what I've been missing, I'd really love to have that (or him, or her)".

Guys might be able to relate to this analogy. You finally got your dream car. You absolutely love it and have no complaints. A few years later your neighbor get his dream car. He lets you come over and see it, even lets you drive it a few times. While you still love your car, there's just something about this new one that "gets your motor running". I'm not intending to demean relationships with a car analogy (nobody gets hurt when we're talking about cars), but I do think the theory holds water.

But the real question is, is it worth the potential risk?

As a disclaimer, I should probably say that my POV is biblical (evangelical Christian), which in my experience puts me in the minority. I don't say this to judge anyone, but to provide a basis for my position.

 

[Gayla Drummond]

Re: male friends

Originally posted by Bridget Beddow
Gayla, I guess that must be where the female \"chasers\" have something in common, male friends. I think over the last few years I've developed many more relationships with women than I have men to make up for the time growing up that I mostly associated with men due to the fact that they seemed more understanding to how you feel as opposed to alot of women who act jealous and spiteful in the way they talk to you. In fact, my tendency for getting advice has always been to go to an older male father figure because their advice always seemed so practical. And it didn't help me growing up while I was attending the same school that my mother taught at - yuck - talk about embarrasing moments

Oh, Bridget...I love the way you worded that! That's almost exactly how I feel...that men are more understanding of how I feel, or maybe it's not so much more understanding as more respectful? Which I guess is exactly what you said about the 'jealous and spiteful' part, hmm?

4 times out of 5, which is about the number of times I've had somewhat major personality conflicts with individuals, it's been another woman. With a guy, you can get in there and duke out your differences, so to speak, and they rarely hold it against you. In fact, I think they respect you for that somewhat...disagreeing with them on an even level, not resorting to tears and 'womanly' weakness to win your point.

Everybody has had such good points to make about all of this...I'm really enjoying this thread.

 

[Gayla Drummond]

Originally posted by Shane Adams
If two people end up together because they chased together, there was something wrong with their prior relationships before the \"affair.\" If there wasn't any relationship for either going in, then I'd chock it up to boredom; sex is a lot better way to pass the down time then throwing rocks at lizards :wink:

Any solid, healthy relationship can withstand temptation. Why do you think there's so much infidelity in the world? Because about 90% of all marriages are a mistake, made by hasty people who think with their emotions instead of their brains.

Relationships founded on chasing will live and die with chasing; relationships are about people, not activities.

I agree....you cannot build a relationship on solely chasing any more than you can build one solely on physical attraction...it'll fall apart.

There has to be an attraction on an emotional or mental level for there to be anything worthwhile develop.

But, because humans are fallible, it probably is perfectly right for some to chose to not put themselves in the way of temptation, no matter what, even if only to show respect to their spouse/whatever.

It's all good when it comes to showing that, right?

 

[Bridget Beddow]

Definitely

I am enjoying it too, Gayla. Men do respect a woman who doesn't break down into tears who just lays out exactly how they feel and stand their ground - as long as you stick to it. The only time I never had a problem working with women (due to spitefulness and jealousy) was when I worked part-time once with four women in one office - you would think that place would have been hell on wheels - what made the difference?
The difference was that all of them had psychology backgrounds and they were all working for a cause for a non-profit organization. It was the most relaxed environment I was ever in to be working with nothing but women. To be quite honest, I work with nothing but men right now in a shop, and it's almost worst because they all want things to go their OWN way - I think they should all just beat their chest and duke it out and let the best man win - hehe. But I definitely hear you on the female thing, alot of them can be very spiteful and it comes from feeling inferior, I think.

 

[Bridget Beddow]

Women

I want to update that too by saying that from this forum I have not seen anything that indicates that any of the women here are spiteful or jealous at all, and I think that has made me feel just as comfortable as I did working in the office with the psychologists. I think that really has an affect on how women feel, and I think alot of guys actually don't understand it because they don't understand why women say things because most men don't act that way to each other out of jealousy.

 

[Carrie Halliday]

Interesting thread.
I have found that I got along better with men. I do have my female friends, most of them I have had from grade school and we nuture the relationship across the miles and years. What I saw in my 20s is that women I met had some sort of competition thing going, they had to run down their so called friends everytime their back was turned. Stupid things like, she is fatter than me, she is uglier than me, she is a whore, etc and that was just too much to try to sort out for me. Men had a different perspective and I didn't have to dodge their claws in my back. As I have gotten older, it has mellowed but still meet women of my age who still have this mentality. I am not trying to group all us women in one lump sum, but I am sure the ladies on here understand what I am saying.
Since I married an extremely jealous man, we fought alot over me having male friends. He has since gotten over the jealousy (his exes cheated on him so he equaled me to them, big mistake on his part. He knows better now). I relish meeting a woman who has no reason to be my friend other than liking who I am. I have met a couple in the last 2 years who I treasure. I am competitive on many levels, but in friendships/relationships, no. Take me as I am or don't take me at all.

 

[Susan Strom]

Jealousy is not male or female, it's just a primitive emotion <chest-thump LOL>

Working to feel secure and comfortable in your own skin is one way to keep it at bay. Jealousy seems to be short-circuited by self-confidence and keeping a cool head, looking within not without. It's almost like when we realize that we are the responsible owners of our own happiness, we'll feel less jealous because our happiness won't be in someone else's hands. We can enhance our happiness by sharing our lives with others, but not make them responsible for it.

But I'm jealous right now! Somebody has a Starbucks and I don't. Wanna see me get primitive? LOL