A witness to death and destruction...

[matt doolittle]

I have been away from this forum for quite awhile and feel the need to ask all of you a few questions.

I have chased storms for roughly 30 years and have seen alot of events. Within the last 5 years I have been witness to an F3 with 1 fatality and an EF5 with 8 fatalities.

The sight of people climbing through basement windows to get out of a leveled house, shoes in trees, barbed wire fences pulled up and stretched across highways so tight they get embedded into the pavement, so many images that no one could ever forget.

The smells.... the best way to describe it would be a dirty, muddy, lumberyard inside a cloud of propane.

As a spotter/chaser I do it to help my neighbors. This used to be an incredible adrenaline rush for me. It still is to a point, but it's different.

I have lived a life not sheltered by death, accidents, violence. I kind of feel desensitized to this stuff.

This seems different.

Is this a form of survivors guilt?

How do you get that rush/passion back?

How do you deal with the morons thinking a tornado going through a town is "cool"? I guarantee if they had witnessed either of these two events they would not think that at all.

What drives you to keep doing this?

This is just something that I have been thinking about and wondered if anyone else experiences this? Thanks in advance.

 

[Jason Boggs]

I chase for a tv station here in Amarillo, so I know that when I'm out, I'm helping people. Fortunately, I have never seen deceased people after a tornado went through a town, but I have seen quite a bit of destruction from tornadoes in the past.

I keep the passion to chase because I have the passion deep inside me. God willing, I will chase storms until the day I die. I also keep that rush/passion with me knowing that when I'm out, if I save one person, I did what I intended to do.

People that think tornadoes going through a town is cool have never experienced firsthand what tornadoes can really do. They say that to try to be cool in front of their friends, but in reality, their just making asses out of themselves. I ignore stupidity from people like that.

Passion for severe weather is what drives me to keep chasing. I don't let anyone tell me how to chase, when to chase, or what to chase with. I'm my own person, and I chase the way I want to. I don't try to do cute things to impress the "chase community" and I don't care who likes me or who doesn't. I chase for the thrill of seeing severe weather, meeting new friends (I met new friends on April 22nd) and the joy in seeing a forecast go right.

DON'T KEEP CHASING JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU NEED TO. DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!

 

[Keith Turner]

Jason pretty much hit the nail on the head answering why we still chase. I feel led to answer your question about being desensitized. I am a firefighter for a very busy department. We see things on a daily basis that our bodies really aren't made to see. I think that it you are exposed to something over and over you do get use to seeing it. Its the same concept of being exposed to a virus or sickness. Your body builds antibodies to fight it off and you eventually get use to it and that particular virus won't make you sick anymore. There are certain images that I personally will never get use to. Death caused by destruction is tough. Car wrecks, fires, tornados, suicides, it doesn't matter. I've seen it many times and it still bothers me. My point is, you may never completely get use to seeing death but if you do, I think its a natural defense in a way to protect you from loosing your mind. I don't know if any of this makes sense or if I'm just completely wrong about this but hopefully I've given you some insight.

 

[Rob Wadsworth]

I have as yet to face the death and destruction within any community. The question you pose might be best answered by those on STORMTRACK that are firemen, hospital workers, and law enforcement officers. They would have the answers to the questions you pose.

Since I am new to being a spotter for my IA county; I dread the day an EF-2 thru 5 makes contact with anything but open countryside. I expect it to happen eventually, as this to a certain degree is inevitable I suppose. I would want to help out as others have that are chasers who have found themselves in similar instances. Apparently, they do this far more often then they are given credit for. We didn't choose the path of the storm nor its destruction; these things are not in our hands. All I can do is help if I do find myself in such a position, and hope others would do as much for me if the tables were turned.

 

[Chris Campbell]

The only thing I can say is that if you are making the effort to be knowledgeable in severe weather and call in accurate "ground truth" reports, you are part of a group of people who are lowering the fatalities. Yes, there were 8 fatalities at Parkersburg, but it could have been much higher. The GP are more likely to take a warning seriously when they hear that spotters/chasers were tracking a confirmed tornado.

I got my HAM radio and license for just that purpose. It's the best way to get information to the NWS. We have a great amateur repeater network here in central Iowa that is linked to the NWS.

Even if you don't go out on chases anymore, your skills can do a lot of good by being a spotter for your local area.

 

[Dave Marshall]

I've chased a couple of killers but only one real monster, Enterprise AL, but I have a good bit of experience in a similar vein through the military and as a firefighter. I don't know if what you describe would be called Survivor's Guilt, but PTSD and a big dose of empathy is a fair possibility.

This same sort of dilemma hits firefighters as well. The rookie wants fire, flames, destruction. He wants to run into a raging fire, face to face with the beast, and come out with his helmet dripping around his ears. It's a *huge* rush to survive something that in all rights should kill you. After the first couple times you encounter a newly homeless family, or God forbid, retrieve a body from the rubble, the rush is tempered by the knowledge that there are consequences for *someone*. The drive changes. The rush stops being *just* about your own risks. It starts to be about taking control of the uncontrollable, and mitigating someone else's risks (while getting away with doing things that are bat**** insane by most definitions). If the rush never changes, it usually just goes away, and those guys eventually wander off.

I've kept the rush in chasing the same way. A few years ago I changed how I chased, and started working much more heavily with skywarn. I'll often go after a cell that's threatening a populated area, even if it doesn't look quite as good as one churning out in the sticks. I carry a trauma kit (EMT), a chain saw, and some light rescue tools. If I see an actual impact on a structure that might be occupied, unless it looks as if it's going to get worse, my chase is usually over. I move into assistance mode. That's brought me up short on a couple of big outbreaks, and that doesn't bother me a bit.

For someone who hasn't encountered something so significant, empathy is something of a vague concept. The first time you feel that knot in the pit of your stomach as you watch the debris fly, it changes how you look at things. If it doesn't, I think the term is 'sociopath'. My recommendation is to keep doing what you're doing, and remember that while you enjoy your hobby enormously, you're also having a huge impact on other people's safety. There's nothing to be guilty about in that. If guilt were the appropriate emotion, there would be damn few firefighters out there.

 

[Tim Stoecklein]

Lots of good advice and perceptions above...

I've had someone die at my hands after doing CPR in a ditch for 15 minutes when I was 15 years old, and been involved with another who was saved, neither from the tragedy of a storm but it's much the same. The short story...having someone die, even though I did everything I could, gave me a motivation in life. I grasped that motivation, and after 16 years I've probably performed nearly 1,000 certifications for folks in various levels of lifesaving skills. Combine this with all the other chasing, spotting, emergency management etc, and I believe in doing everything I can to contribute to saving lives.

I often think about it, but I don't know that I like to think of it as being "desensitized" as much as I like to think we are more prepared mentally when we encounter similar situations. If you don't believe you can handle it anymore, there's no shame in pulling the plug. If you wish to continue because of the feeling saving lives gives you, give yourself the tools to do it the best you can!

 

[John Hudson]

I have been very fortunate in all my years of chasing to have never encountered the death or destruction described here first hand, but I still find the news reports and footage after some of these major events disturbing.

My brother is a physician in Michigan, and has done many, many autopsies, and given all kinds of good people very bad news they should never have to hear.

I once asked him how he's able to carry on in such circumstances, and how one can force him/herself to become detached enough to treat tragedy with indifference, and forget that the person on the gurney was once someone's mom or dad, son or daughter, brother or sister, who lived, breathed and laughed just like we do, every day.

His answer to my question was that if it ever completely ceased to elicit a reaction, whether it be sadness, shock or sometimes anger, he would know that it was really time to quit. Among the most useful of a physician's tools is a bit of humanity, not too little, and not too much.

Why do we do it? For me, it is the knowledge that for each additional pair of eyes on the clouds, the odds that we as human beings will learn something more about how the atmosphere works goes up a little.

And the sky just might give up one more of her secrets.


John
VE4 JTH

 

[joel ewing]

Hi Matt, I'm Joel Ewing from Tucson, Az, but originally from Nebraska. I have a huge amount of Nebraska in my blood, my psyche and my soul. I'm saying that because you're an Iowa guy (we "neighbor" over in that direction...lol) and have chased for 30-some years...and we probably have a great deal in common, perhaps being from the same generation if nothing else. I'm 55, so I'll bet you grew up watching Captain Kangarootoo. That all being said, I wish to say that just because I am a bit older than some other StormTrack members...I NEVER want to portray myself as a guy who's statements hold any more weight or worth than anybody else's in here.
From the brief statement that you made when you began this thread, it's really difficult for me to zero in on what's going on with you....or what you hope to gain from other member's feedback. To me, you sound like a guy who has hit some kind of mental wall, and I'm betting it goes a bit deeper than some problems that have spun off from the chase world. Please don't get the idea that I think you've got really deep problems...I'd bet the mortgage that you're an intelligent and sane guy who is "stuck" a little bit.
As for me.....I'm a man who "ponders" things a lot. And man, if left alone to do so...my thoughts can get very, very deep. I'd guess you've got a little bit of that in you too. Another thing about me that is in the same vein... I like to boil things down as quickly as possible to get to the heart of the matter. Like the old saying of peeling the skins off of the proverbial onion a layer at a time...I like to just "get down to it" and attack a problem. So...using that as my "M.O.".....this is my best shot at being an armchair psychiatrist...based on the tiny bit of info that you've offered: I believe what lies at the deep center of all your statements is a strong yearning for an answer that keeps eluding you..one of a very spiritual nature. That question is....Why do bad things continue to happen to good, good people? That being said, if one wishes to "peel" the onion even more...the "granddaddy" question becomes "what is the meaning of life"??.
You've stated that you've seen many, many horrible scenes during your life. That, coupled with approaching middle age...tends of make thinking people generate these thoughts. I believe it's totally normal...and I congratulate anybody that ponders these mind-bending questions. There ain't no easy answers! One other thing that came to my mind....you mentioned feeling "numbed" to the things that you once loved doing. If that's the case...the answer could lie in a chemical imbalance in your brain. Nothing to be ashamed about there. Hell, all the crap that's in our foods, our waters and our air...not to mention genetically altered foods like corn..it's a wonder any of us can think clearly. Serotonin levels can get screwed up...it happened to me...and I'm glad to be on a super-mild anti-depressant for the rest of my life. They work great for me, and since beginning them in '94...I'm my old self and a hard-working / life loving son of a buck that I am. I don't even give them a thought...I just go about my day. But there was a time long long ago that I felt so numb and tired of this life that I was ready to give it up. And I DO mean....ready to check out. I was a hard partier...and I DO mean a HARD partier. I kinda flamed myself out. Hell it was just a way of life down here, back then. So please heed my words here...whether they fit for you or not. I truly have "been there / done that". Oh God, if you only knew...lol. I wish you the best of luck, sir. Godspeed to the answers you seek...and may your heart and mind feel healthy once again. Nothing is better when they're working like they should...nothing is worse when they're not. PS...just curious...were any of my assessments on the money or not??

 

[joel ewing]

Hi Matt, I'm Joel Ewing from Tucson, Az, but originally from Nebraska. I have a huge amount of Nebraska in my blood, my psyche and my soul. I'm saying that because you're an Iowa guy (we "neighbor" over in that direction...lol) and have chased for 30-some years...and we probably have a great deal in common, perhaps being from the same generation if nothing else. I'm 55, so I'll bet you grew up watching Captain Kangarootoo. That all being said, I wish to say that just because I am a bit older than some other StormTrack members...I NEVER want to portray myself as a guy who's statements hold any more weight or worth than anybody else's in here.
From the brief statement that you made when you began this thread, it's really difficult for me to zero in on what's going on with you....or what you hope to gain from other member's feedback. To me, you sound like a guy who has hit some kind of mental wall, and I'm betting it goes a bit deeper than some problems that have spun off from the chase world. Please don't get the idea that I think you've got really deep problems...I'd bet the mortgage that you're an intelligent and sane guy who is "stuck" a little bit.
As for me.....I'm a man who "ponders" things a lot. And man, if left alone to do so...my thoughts can get very, very deep. I'd guess you've got a little bit of that in you too. Another thing about me that is in the same vein... I like to boil things down as quickly as possible to get to the heart of the matter. Like the old saying of peeling the skins off of the proverbial onion a layer at a time...I like to just "get down to it" and attack a problem. So...using that as my "M.O.".....this is my best shot at being an armchair psychiatrist...based on the tiny bit of info that you've offered: I believe what lies at the deep center of all your statements is a strong yearning for an answer that keeps eluding you..one of a very spiritual nature. That question is....Why do bad things continue to happen to good, good people? That being said, if one wishes to "peel" the onion even more...the "granddaddy" question becomes "what is the meaning of life"??.
You've stated that you've seen many, many horrible scenes during your life. That, coupled with approaching middle age...tends of make thinking people generate these thoughts. I believe it's totally normal...and I congratulate anybody that ponders these mind-bending questions. There ain't no easy answers! One other thing that came to my mind....you mentioned feeling "numbed" to the things that you once loved doing. If that's the case...the answer could lie in a chemical imbalance in your brain. Nothing to be ashamed about there. Hell, all the crap that's in our foods, our waters and our air...not to mention genetically altered foods like corn..it's a wonder any of us can think clearly. Serotonin levels can get screwed up...it happened to me...and I'm glad to be on a super-mild anti-depressant for the rest of my life. They work great for me, and since beginning them in '94...I'm my old self and a hard-working / life loving son of a buck that I am. I don't even give them a thought...I just go about my day. But there was a time long long ago that I felt so numb and tired of this life that I was ready to give it up. And I DO mean....ready to check out. I was a hard partier...and I DO mean a HARD partier. I kinda flamed myself out. Hell it was just a way of life down here, back then. So please heed my words here...whether they fit for you or not. I truly have "been there / done that". Oh God, if you only knew...lol. I wish you the best of luck, sir. Godspeed to the answers you seek...and may your heart and mind feel healthy once again. Nothing is better when they're working like they should...nothing is worse when they're not. PS...just curious...were any of my assessments on the money or not??

 

[Jeff Hawkins]

Matt,
Thank you for posting your thoughts. This is my 2nd year chasing formally, and chasing for me is still a "fresh" experience most every time I go...always something new to learn, experience, and even if I don't see a tornado, it's just being out and seeing the sights that makes it rewarding for me to chase. Not to mention the opportunity to meet others who enjoy it too. ...and just the challenge of "hunting" (that's how I describe storm chasing to friends).
Even though I'm new at storm chasing, one of the first things I became aware of from reading this forum and other learning sources, is the reality that what I do has a 'dark side' to it...that there is destruction to property and people. This is very sobering to know, and has made me realize that while I might go out chasing for fun, there is always the possibility that my 'fun' may turn into lifesaving efforts. To this end, my personal goals in the next 2-3 years are to become trained as a first responder, and keep my vehicle prepped during chase season so that if I'm called upon, I can assist. I realize there's no way to have equipment for every possible scenario, but at least enough to cover the most common ones.

 

[Adam Lucio]

How do you deal with the morons thinking a tornado going through a town is "cool"? I guarantee if they had witnessed either of these two events they would not think that at all.

What drives you to keep doing this?

I don't think there is any chaser out there who thinks that is cool. That perception needs to just go away.

Most chasers chase for the love of weather, I highly doubt anyone starts spotting or chasing with envisions of becoming a public hero. Its one of those things that comes with it. Of course we want to to warn and prevent tragedy, its just the humane thing to do, but if people are really looking to be life saving heroes, become a firefighter or police officer or something.

 

[Jason.Webb]

the reason i became interested in chasing was the February 1998 Outbreak that happened in central florida, i worked fire and EMS for Years, seen my share of bodies and horror, the night the outbreak took place i was on my way to work as a dispatcher that night, my shift started at 11 PM and the first Tornado touched down at 11:30 in Ocoee/Winter Garden - then the big one hit and i answered the phone at 0100 with Osceola Fire in a panic asking for everything we had, at which point i dispatched 38 ambulances in a single breath, had one ambulance ask me on the radio "We See the Tornado, what should we do?" i told them to get in a ditch face down (not really knowing really what to tell them) 42 Died 260 were injured, we were in rescue mode untill 6AM then it was body recovery operations, this one incident was to set the course of my career and began my interest in severe storms.

i have never been into anything for the Hero part, yes the adreniline rush is wild, but i do it to help people, even the most conceited Firefighter/Paramedic/or Policeman does their job to help people, so why not chasing and spotting, just my opinon on my motivation.

and yes after doing it for a while You tend to desensitize to the horror but it will still get to You. Dont let it get to You, if You feel the effects of PTSD get help.

 

[Joe Schaub]

I have been away from this forum for quite awhile and feel the need to ask all of you a few questions.

I have chased storms for roughly 30 years and have seen alot of events. Within the last 5 years I have been witness to an F3 with 1 fatality and an EF5 with 8 fatalities.

The sight of people climbing through basement windows to get out of a leveled house, shoes in trees, barbed wire fences pulled up and stretched across highways so tight they get embedded into the pavement, so many images that no one could ever forget.

The smells.... the best way to describe it would be a dirty, muddy, lumberyard inside a cloud of propane.

As a spotter/chaser I do it to help my neighbors. This used to be an incredible adrenaline rush for me. It still is to a point, but it's different.

I have lived a life not sheltered by death, accidents, violence. I kind of feel desensitized to this stuff.

This seems different.

Is this a form of survivors guilt?

How do you get that rush/passion back?

How do you deal with the morons thinking a tornado going through a town is "cool"? I guarantee if they had witnessed either of these two events they would not think that at all.

What drives you to keep doing this?

This is just something that I have been thinking about and wondered if anyone else experiences this? Thanks in advance.

I for one would give anything to see a tornado, BUT only if it is in an unpopulated area.

I agree completely with you that people who think a tornado ripping apart a town is cool. I remind those I talk with who like that it could very well be your wife, your child, your friends or your family that are there instead of people you have never met. I tell them to picture this: You are driving down your street to your house and in the front yard of your house lay three bodies covered in sheets. I hate to be so graphic but sometimes a figurative smack on the head wakes them up to realizing that it could very well happen.

 

[Warren Faidley]

I think most chasers interest and purpose changes over the years, so its not uncommon to question why you are out there once in a while. This is especially true when we are bombarded with images of death and destruction like you noted. Just like an auto race, there are always going to be a handful of people who want the violence. Television shows only make matters worse when they show chasers celebrating a tornado without explaining the overall situation.

For me, my first chasing adventures were to escape my boring newspaper journalist job. Then I ended up in Saragossa, Texas right after it was demolished by a strong tornado. Many children died that should not have. Although I found a commercial way to make a living from chasing, my overall reason for chasing was not for profit, but an unwavering curiosity. Over the years I never forgot Saragosa and the vivid images, not from TV, but from my own memories. I eventually became an EMT so I could assist people in the event of a disaster. One of my goals in chasing now days is to educate people about severe weather through my first hand experiences. I think a lot of experienced chasers (like you) have a golden opportunity to do this as there is nothing better than hands on experience.

W.