Andrew, great question/topic!
You didn’t mention how old your kids are. That makes a huge difference in how much of a burden falls on your wife, versus how self-sufficient they are.
I usually feel a little guilty before I leave, and even as I pull out of my driveway to head to the airport. But I know that feeling is soon going to be erased by the excitement of being on the Plains and under a wall cloud.
My kids are now 10 and 14. It’s easier now than when they were younger. I had some years of shorter trips back then, and like Damian I would encourage my wife to have her parents visit for at least one of the two weeks I was away.
Even when I’m home, my wife handles most of the load with the kids anyway. I work a lot, so I’m focused on business and she’s focused on the homestead. We’re really only losing a couple hours a night on the weekdays; the weekends are the only tough part, and my chase trips usually only span two or at most three weekends anyway. I also travel some for work. So it’s not like a ton extra shifts to her when I’m gone chasing compared to normal life. Of course, it still makes a difference to her to not have any help or adult company. But she is still supportive of my chasing (20 years now) and I am grateful for that. Hopefully your wife is equally supportive. And if she is, don’t feel guilty, just show her how much you appreciate her support, and do special things for her when you’re back, whether that’s taking her away on a little vacation, or letting her go away with her friends while you hold down the fort back home, or just being in the moment for some quality family time.
I remind myself - and my family if necessary - that I am only gone for a lousy two weeks out of 52, which is less than 4% of the year. I am home with them the other 50 weeks / 96%. I also remind myself that it is healthy to have a personal passion, to not lose the “I” in the “we”, that adults have dreams and passions too, and it’s good for the kids to see that; it may inspire them to find a pursuit of their own, even if it’s not chasing. You know how on a plane, they tell you in an emergency to put your own oxygen mask on first, so that you can then take care of your kids? Well you have to have something of your own that makes you *you*, that fulfills you and makes you feel alive in order to be a good husband and father. Not everyone has a passion for chasing, or for *anything* for that matter. That’s a sad thing. If you are blessed with a passion like this, but don’t pursue or fulfill it, you are not going to feel complete and that will adversely affect you as a person, as a father and as a husband.
This doesn’t mean to be selfish or self-indulgent. You have to put your family first, and if unfortunately your wife has health problems then you may have to sacrifice chasing. But if there is no logical reason you need to remain home, then self-inflicted guilt alone is not enough of a reason to give up chasing.
One thing I do try to do is this. Let’s say I’m supposed to leave on a Saturday, if it looks pretty likely that no severe weather is in the cards for that weekend, I will delay leaving until Monday so that I can be with the family for the weekend. But once Monday comes, I leave; like I said, I’m just not around much on the weekdays with work anyway.
Also, if things are dead on the Plains, I come home early. If I am at the end of my first week, and week two has nothing going on, I do feel guilty about staying out on the Plains for no reason; I feel like I am just jerking around, and I feel guilty not just about my family but about my job. So if there’s no good reason to stay out there, I go home. I tell my wife ahead of time, I’m setting aside two weeks, but if nothing is going on I’ll be back sooner. More often than not, I’ll end up coming back after 7-10 days; rarely are there so many opportunities to chase that I just *have* to stay out there 14 straight days. If I am supposed to come home on Sunday, but Friday and Saturday look marginal, I will go home in time to spend the weekend with my family before heading to work on Monday. I realize it may not be affordable for everyone, but I will even come home and go back out to the Plains, if it looks like an extended down period that includes a weekend.
One thing that is worse than being away chasing is coming home but acting like you wish you were still away. I have been guilty of this because I have trouble with the transition from the “volume 11” lifestyle of chasing and the freedom of the open road, and coming down off that high to the “volume 5” of daily life. That’s something to be wary of. It’s a tough mental adjustment that I started a thread about here on ST a couple years ago. Even if you have to fake it while your mind is still on the Plains, let your wife and kids know you love them, missed them, and appreciate their support of your avocation.
