Photo Funny

Storm Track


"I'm telling you, really officer, you lost your wig. Here, look in this mirror."

A big F5 congratulations to Marc Gebhart, the winner of the first Photo Funny contest! Marc will get his choice of either a years' subscription to Storm Track or a copy of the Storm Chase Manual by Tim Marshall.

"Taking into account UVV's and WAA, you subtract my forward speed from the current air temperature, divided by the wet-bulb temperature, factoring the Lifted Index from CAPE values and you get my actual speed of 54.7 mph."

This is the runner up winner, submitted by Keith B. Brown. Keith will win the remaining prize.

Thanks to all who participated, and to Tim Marshall and Gene Rhoden for deciding on the winning entry. The photo of Bruce was taken in north central Kansas in May 1996. Bruce was demonstrating the use of a psychrometric calculator for a curious deputy sheriff.

- Tim Vasquez

What is Bruce saying?

"....and watch what happens to her bathing suit when I turn the disc this way...."


"Look! The tornado dropped another one of Nasa's 'UFO's'."


"I'm telling you, really officer, you lost your wig. Here, look in this mirror."

"That's right, officer, those storm chasers are a wild bunch. I saw them go by a few minutes ago. Now for UFO researchers, we are a calm, law-abiding group of citizens. Let me show you this model given to me by the boys from Andromeda..."

"Actually officer, we are really testing this Tornadic-Wind-Resistant FRISBEE."

"See guys, you throw this at it and see if it will bring it back to you."

"No, I don't think the hail could have flattened your hat this much. See, it's not even wet. You sure it wasn't just sat on?"

"You see, sir, we have proof that your bald head is causing abnormal heating in this area. We need you to go stand and see if we can get some storms to rotate."

"Mr. Officer try to stay with me this time as I explain to you again how such extremly high dew points today causes the doppler shift error with your radar gun and my innocence due this problem."

"Honest, officer, I'm innocent. The guy you're after is John Davies--he has a history of that sort of thing. Here, I'll show you his picture."

"Look what I found in the trunk--our gold record for YMCA."

"It was the damndest thing I ever saw. The funnel came down, sucked up your hairpiece, then just dissipated."

"Taking into account UVV's and WAA, you subtract my forward speed from the current air temperature, divided by the wet-bulb temp., factoring the Lifted Index from CAPE values and you get my actual speed of 54.7 mph".

"Well you see officer, I wasn't actually speeding--I was doing a scientific calculation.... if you take the temperature here, subtracting the dewpoint depression calculated by my forward speed here, you get the dewpoint here... see"?

"TWISTER: So you just spin the dial, and if it lands on, say green, we'd each have to put our left foot on a green dot?"

"Some guys like to chase storms with lots of fancy gadgets, but I'm happy with a full tank of gas and a sundial."

"Well, officer, there could be some pretty bad storms today. Just take a look at this hodograph..."

"OK, so I stole a frisbee and a copy of TWISTER. You Target security guys are good."

"Say, do the guys at the stationhouse by any chance call you "Bull"?"

"See? The little hand tells you what hour it is and the big hand gives you the minutes."

"Honest, Buford T., THIS is how fast I was really going!"

"Hey Sheriff that was some storm ,It blew your hair clean off."

"In a dangerous line of work like yours, you have to think about protecting your family. I'll bet you're underinsured..."

"Which brings us up to 1995. I drove Probe 8 for Project Vortex for a week..."

"I couldn't have been driving 95. My wind guage only read 70 and I had a 15 mph sustained headwind."

"Officer, would you mind if I borrowed your Doppler for a few hours?"

"You can't repossess my car right now--the Lifted Index is -27."

"So you see officer, by this gauge I technically was not going 110 mph."

BRUCE HAYNIE: Well gentlemen, I will show you now how to make doughnuts!
POLICE: Cool! Now I can make doughnuts on my own without having my wife making them for me, you know they are really soggy, that's why you can see that I'm gaining a little bit of weight.
BRUCE: No wonder!
POLICE: What you're trying to say, that I'm fat??
BRUCE: No, no, officer, what I was saying is that, no wonder that I saw you every day in Dunkin Doughnuts eating a dozen glazed doughnuts.
POLICE: Oh ok!
BRUCE: Anyway, going back to business, you have to go to the store and buy one of the wheels, they are very useful in giving you an approximate time and temperate for making any kind of doughnuts, such as shrimp doughnut, chocolate doughnut, meat doughnut, cake doughnut, and raw doughnut.
POLICE: Where do I go to buy one of those wheels?
BRUCE: Well, officer, you have to go to your local NWS and give them the special code NWS DOUGHNUT FOR FREE, along with $500, you know they want to make some profit you know! That's the other side of the NWS. The NWS is a doughnut market but they just want to hide it.
POLICE: Thanks Bruce, I will go tomorrow and I'm going to buy me a wheel. I'm also begining to like the sound of the meat doughnut it sounds goood!. I hope my wife don't find out, because then I will be sleeping with the cow tomorrow.

"...and I just got this brand, new commemorative plate from the Danbury Mint!!! See? There's Dorothy 'n' Toto n' the Tin Man 'n' Lion and MY favorite, The Scarecrow! "

"Actually Officer we don't have a clue. So at times like this we spin the big wheel here and then line up this widget there. Do us a favor and kinda keep this under your hat, Okay? Thanks alot Sir and we promise to use the rest stop next time!"

"Officer, I can show you again, but this will NOT give you Helen Hunt's phone number!"

"See, if you plug in the wind speed and our combined weight, it shows that we were only doing 66 MPH!"

"You boys hear about all them naders tearin' up state highways in '95? Hogwash! 'Did it all with this here asphalt cutter. 'Sold me alot of video!"

"See Officer This Doppler Antenna Only Flew Off Not Because Of My Excessive speed but due to the fact that the antenna was so excited at the fact of catching a hook echo, not because I was speeding."

"Ah, come on, you guys! You've seen Twister. I'm a gonna drive in front of the tornado and wing this frisbee with the weather-tracking circuitry right into the funnel. See, look at all the neat wires and transistors. Hey, either of you guys want a beer?"

Photo © Copyright 1996 Tim Marshall. Reproduction prohibited.

Return to main menu